Entries tagged with “family” from Prom to Altar

Sometimes in the wedding planning world it feels like there is this dichotomy: your ceremony is either personal and meaningful, or it's a church wedding. For some reason, there is this belief out there that a church wedding is cookie cutter, impersonal, and only differs from wedding to wedding because of the names inserted in the vows.

Our wedding ceremony will be a Catholic mass celebrating the sacrament of holy matrimony. While the mass has to follow a certain format, we were able to choose readings, songs, participants, and there are sections that we are writing. It is far from impersonal: it is a representation of our faith and what it means to us. It is a ceremony that is about love.

The readings we've chosen are not about man owning woman, they are not fire and brimstone and an angry God: Our readings are about loving one another, about living with kindness, and about love's strength.

We chose our officiant based on his approach to Catholicism that is about love and inclusiveness. I have known our priest since I was 12, and his role in our wedding celebration is important to both Patrick and I.

The music for our ceremony will be sung by a family friend with a beautiful voice. We chose each song based on how the melody moved us, whether the lyrics spoke to us, and how it fit in with the rest of the ceremony.


We will be getting married at the same church where my parents were married, in the parish that my family has been a member of since I was born. My sister and I were baptized there, made our first communions there, and were confirmed there. The building itself is new, but it's a community I've known all my life.



True, the Catholic church isn't up for a bridal processional set to the music of Modest Mouse or readings from The Giving Tree-- but we will be taking part in a ceremony that mirrors the wedding ceremonies of our parents and grandparents and great grandparents-- on back to the roots of our family trees. That link is as important as all the rest.

We never had specific ideas about what we wanted for our cake topper-- I'd been keeping an eye out for a vintage bride and groom, and saw some adorable ones that were just way out of our price range. I even found a little bride and groom on a tandem bicycle, which I loved-- but not enough to justify the price tag.

We had left this detail unfinished and figured we'd come up with something-- if not, no biggie. Early this summer, Pat's cousin Steve, his wife Meg (yep, our invitation designer), and Steve's mom Norma stopped in to visit Pat's grandmother, Voa and check out her newly remodeled kitchen. When we saw them later that week, they mentioned that she had the cake topper from her wedding on display in her newly remodeled kitchen, and that she was talking about it and telling them stories of her wedding (if you know Voa, you know that of course she was telling stories!). The minute we heard that it was still around, Patrick and I both had the same thought: how great would it be if we were able to use his grandmother's cake topper?

When we went to visit Voa later in the summer, she gave us the tour of the latest additions to her kitchen, and sure enough pointed out the cake topper on display in one of her cabinets. We told her that actually, we had heard about the cake topper, and we were wondering what she thought about us using it on our wedding cake. She may have started crying right there. She couldn't believe we'd want to use it-- the flowers were coming apart she said, and it was only plastic. Were we sure about this?

We explained that those things weren't a big deal-- it was special because it was used on the day she married Patrick's grandfather. She was definitely crying then (of course, she cries just about every time our wedding is mentioned-- she is such a cutie). We were so excited that she was going to let us use it-- it means so much to have a cake topper that stood atop Voo and Voa's cake, over 50 years ago.

Voa is the only grandmother we have with us now, and she means the world to us. She has always been supportive and loving and sweet-- I am honored that the same plastic bride that represented Voa will represent me (even if it does look a little more like her than it does me!).

Here it is, Voa's cake topper, our cake topper:

How will we remember this summer when we look back on it? Tremendously sad. Tremendously exciting. Full of possibility. Full of loss.

Full of life and its ups and downs.

The loss of my grandmother has hit me hard. Unexpected, unprepared, all too fast. Grief compounded by the loss of Patrick's grandmother just a month before.

I have found comfort in these things:

-That Patrick got to know my grandmother, and oh how she loved him. When she was around him she was a charming flirt-- giving him a hard time, laughing, teasing. She knew we would be married and happy, she gave us her blessing, and we were able to share the wedding planning with her. I will never forget the day we went to her house to share the news of our engagement-- she was thrilled.

-In the support of our family and friends. I have felt closer this week to my uncles, aunts, and cousins, than I have in years. The loss hit everyone hard, and all we could do was try to hold one another up.

-In the fact that while Patrick and I imagine this wedding to be the coming together of our families, our families have already come together. In addition to Pat's parents and brother, his grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins were there to comfort and support us last week. It's hard to express how much that meant-- how much they all mean to me.

-That her life was long and full of love, and that when she died she was surrounded by her children, and not in any pain. It's the kind of death we all hope for.

-In the fact that for the past 9 years (since I went away to college up through just a few weeks ago), Grandma wrote to me nearly every week. It's too painful right now, but I know that down the road, when I miss her, I can go to the box where I've kept her letters and read a few -- her sweetness, her sense of humor, and her love are all right there. I am so grateful that she wrote those letters. It's the best argument there is for the old fashioned pen to paper letter.

So now we do the best we can to move forward. And moving is what we're doing-- quite literally. We drove back to Northampton a few hours after the funeral on Friday, and have spent the rest of the weekend packing up and making trips to the new apartment.

Invitations went out last week-- in between all the rest we're doing our best to stay on top of wedding plans.

I can't wait for our honeymoon...

Some people are unfazed when they hear about the size of our wedding, while others seem truly shocked. Usually their reaction has to do with whether or not they have a big family.

In case you're wondering how we even know 200 people, let alone how we're related to nearly all of them (and why we've chosen to have a wedding that includes them all!), here's a little glimpse into the types of families we each come from:

• Total living aunts and uncles: 16 (we each have 8)
  
• Total first cousins: 36 (I win this one with 24-- most of whom are married, while Pat has 12-- the oldest is 21.)
  

We each have one side of the family with strong cultural ties (Italian- me, and Portuguese- Pat), which makes for a tight knit clan and extended family members who've touched our lives in significant ways. Beyond the aunts/uncles/cousins, our guest list includes great aunts and uncles, godparents, cousins that are related in less direct ways-- and everyone's spouses.

Maybe now you can begin to imagine how the branches extend from these families.

On top of this there are family friends who may as well be family-- you know, the types you call 'aunt' and 'uncle', even though they're not really.

Add it all up, throw in a few of our closest friends, and it doesn't take long to get to 200!