Our ceremony

Sometimes in the wedding planning world it feels like there is this dichotomy: your ceremony is either personal and meaningful, or it's a church wedding. For some reason, there is this belief out there that a church wedding is cookie cutter, impersonal, and only differs from wedding to wedding because of the names inserted in the vows.

Our wedding ceremony will be a Catholic mass celebrating the sacrament of holy matrimony. While the mass has to follow a certain format, we were able to choose readings, songs, participants, and there are sections that we are writing. It is far from impersonal: it is a representation of our faith and what it means to us. It is a ceremony that is about love.

The readings we've chosen are not about man owning woman, they are not fire and brimstone and an angry God: Our readings are about loving one another, about living with kindness, and about love's strength.

We chose our officiant based on his approach to Catholicism that is about love and inclusiveness. I have known our priest since I was 12, and his role in our wedding celebration is important to both Patrick and I.

The music for our ceremony will be sung by a family friend with a beautiful voice. We chose each song based on how the melody moved us, whether the lyrics spoke to us, and how it fit in with the rest of the ceremony.


We will be getting married at the same church where my parents were married, in the parish that my family has been a member of since I was born. My sister and I were baptized there, made our first communions there, and were confirmed there. The building itself is new, but it's a community I've known all my life.



True, the Catholic church isn't up for a bridal processional set to the music of Modest Mouse or readings from The Giving Tree-- but we will be taking part in a ceremony that mirrors the wedding ceremonies of our parents and grandparents and great grandparents-- on back to the roots of our family trees. That link is as important as all the rest.