lights will guide you home

How will we remember this summer when we look back on it? Tremendously sad. Tremendously exciting. Full of possibility. Full of loss.

Full of life and its ups and downs.

The loss of my grandmother has hit me hard. Unexpected, unprepared, all too fast. Grief compounded by the loss of Patrick's grandmother just a month before.

I have found comfort in these things:

-That Patrick got to know my grandmother, and oh how she loved him. When she was around him she was a charming flirt-- giving him a hard time, laughing, teasing. She knew we would be married and happy, she gave us her blessing, and we were able to share the wedding planning with her. I will never forget the day we went to her house to share the news of our engagement-- she was thrilled.

-In the support of our family and friends. I have felt closer this week to my uncles, aunts, and cousins, than I have in years. The loss hit everyone hard, and all we could do was try to hold one another up.

-In the fact that while Patrick and I imagine this wedding to be the coming together of our families, our families have already come together. In addition to Pat's parents and brother, his grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins were there to comfort and support us last week. It's hard to express how much that meant-- how much they all mean to me.

-That her life was long and full of love, and that when she died she was surrounded by her children, and not in any pain. It's the kind of death we all hope for.

-In the fact that for the past 9 years (since I went away to college up through just a few weeks ago), Grandma wrote to me nearly every week. It's too painful right now, but I know that down the road, when I miss her, I can go to the box where I've kept her letters and read a few -- her sweetness, her sense of humor, and her love are all right there. I am so grateful that she wrote those letters. It's the best argument there is for the old fashioned pen to paper letter.

So now we do the best we can to move forward. And moving is what we're doing-- quite literally. We drove back to Northampton a few hours after the funeral on Friday, and have spent the rest of the weekend packing up and making trips to the new apartment.

Invitations went out last week-- in between all the rest we're doing our best to stay on top of wedding plans.

I can't wait for our honeymoon...