July 2008 Archives

For the second time in a little over a month, we're unexpectedly back in Albany trying to cope with the loss of a close family member.

Last time, it was my grandmother. Her death wasn't really unexpected—she was battling terminal cancer in the hopes of making it to our wedding—and the timing was such that I was able to make it back to Albany to be with her in her final hours and then with my family when they got the news. Everything that has happened since her death, from funeral arrangements to the distribution of her estate, has been handled with grace and understanding from everyone involved, and help keeps materializing from unexpected places at the exact moment when we need it most. So, despite the sadness we all feel at losing her, there have been lots of places to find comfort.

But this time, everything has been different, and comfort is hard to find except in the one place we know we can always find it: the love of our family and friends. (As Nicole did for me, I'll leave it to her to disclose details whenever and to whatever extent she sees fit.)

So, once again the wedding planning gets put on the back burner and we gather our strength for a different kind of challenge. It's funny—last week, I would never have guessed that tonight I'd be pining for the simple joys of printer problems and budget crises.

**update to the update: Patrick worked his magic and comments are now back in action. Comment away!**

We are getting married 8 weeks from today. 8 weeks! Woo! Whoa.

There's been a lot going on (wedding related and not), and things continue to move forward at an insane pace. Here's what's up:

• A week from today, we're moving to our new apartment (well, we're starting the move-- we'll be moving slowly over a couple of weeks). I'm really going to miss being in the heart of Northampton, but I'm so looking forward to all of the space we're gaining. Our new town (just 10 minutes away) is also very walkable, the new place is huge, and we'll have outdoor space-- something we've been craving.

• My bridal shower was a week ago, and it was great. The hostesses did a great job planning, and it was wonderful to see so many friends and family members. Of course, everyone was ridiculously generous. It was overwhelming, in a good way. There are some photos here. Patrick stayed, which certainly helped calm my nerves (along with the delicious white sangria...). There were funfetti cupcakes, the food was tasty, and it was all in all a good party. Thank you!

• After many months (eight? nine?) of working with Meg on designing and producing our invitations, they are ready to go! It's been quite a labor of love, and on Monday, we will send these little babies out into the world. We're only a couple days behind our original deadline, and considering all the little roadblocks we've run into I'd say that's rather impressive.

There are other things I want to tell you about-- the story of our cake topper, our complete inability to decide on favors, and oh my gosh did you see this article about the bride who made her bridesmaids get botox?? But right now we're on our way to see Batman at the drive-in, so it will have to wait.

p.s. a few people have alerted us to the fact that the comments on the blog aren't working. We'll have it fixed soon, promise!

There has been so much geekiness in planning this wedding -- from our Google Docs and Spreadsheets for our budget, guestlist, and to do list, to the wedding wiki, to this very blog. I've also geeked-out in all of the wedding blogs I've added to my Google Reader.

Some of my favorites:

• A Practical Wedding -- This stuff is gold. This is the wedding blog that keeps me in check and brings me back to reality when I feel like I'm surrounded by wedding pressure.
• Upstate Photographers- Yay! Our photographers started a blog!
• The Engaged Guy - If only he'd post more often...
• Style Me Pretty - Eye candy.
• Brooklyn Bride
• Earth Friendly Weddings
• Etsy Wedding -as if I need someone else helping to fuel my Etsy obsession... the wedding has already given me so many reasons to make Etsy purchases!
• Handcrafted: The Cure for the Common Wedding
• i heart peonies
• snippet & ink

There are plenty more, but many of them just serve to make me feel like a loser for not devoting my life to complicated DIY projects, or sad about not living in California where our wedding reception could be held under a tree with no fear of rain. These 10 are a good mix of inspiring without losing touch of reality.

Some people are unfazed when they hear about the size of our wedding, while others seem truly shocked. Usually their reaction has to do with whether or not they have a big family.

In case you're wondering how we even know 200 people, let alone how we're related to nearly all of them (and why we've chosen to have a wedding that includes them all!), here's a little glimpse into the types of families we each come from:

• Total living aunts and uncles: 16 (we each have 8)
  
• Total first cousins: 36 (I win this one with 24-- most of whom are married, while Pat has 12-- the oldest is 21.)
  

We each have one side of the family with strong cultural ties (Italian- me, and Portuguese- Pat), which makes for a tight knit clan and extended family members who've touched our lives in significant ways. Beyond the aunts/uncles/cousins, our guest list includes great aunts and uncles, godparents, cousins that are related in less direct ways-- and everyone's spouses.

Maybe now you can begin to imagine how the branches extend from these families.

On top of this there are family friends who may as well be family-- you know, the types you call 'aunt' and 'uncle', even though they're not really.

Add it all up, throw in a few of our closest friends, and it doesn't take long to get to 200!

So, this is what everyone meant about the craziness of wedding planning, eh? It didn't really make sense before-- we weren't going nuts about anything, we've been organized... but I get it now. Oh my, do I get it. The things we have to get done have certainly revved up and become more urgent, bringing about stuff like scary/tight time lines, budget reality checks, and (I'll admit it, even though I never thought it would happen to me) a couple of tears. Luckily, my wedding planning partner keeps me sane, puts things in perspective, and gives me a reality check if I'm letting the Wedding Industrial Complex creep into my brain.

The good thing is that in addition to the intensity, there's also a lot of fun stuff coming up over the next two weeks: Jen's shower is tomorrow (seriously, I am nearly as excited for the Snathorris wedding as I am for ours- I love those two), and my shower is next weekend. When the stress levels spike, just thinking about all the friends and family that I get to see in a week makes me feel better, and I know the lovely hostesses have been working hard on planning-- I can't wait to see what they've come up with! I'm nervous, but I think that will fade (perhaps with help from a mimosa?).

And for no reason at all, here's a photo from our archives, featuring the two men in my life:

This is harder than I thought, sitting down to write our story. I have to put myself back there, in 1998, age 17. I went back and looked through journals from that time-- the entries are so incredibly embarrassing and dramatic. I thought I might use some excerpts from things I wrote then, but we'll see if I have the guts for that!

I suppose it's good to start by setting the scene. In 1998 I was a junior and Pat was a senior in high school--we'd actually attended the same schools since elementary school, but never really knew each other. I was the assistant student director for the spring musical, which was Once Upon a Mattress that year. Many of my close friends were in the show or working behind the scenes in various capacities. Pat was on stage as one of the leads: Sir Harry.

He caught my eye in March, when I found myself unable to look away as he stood on stage singing (mostly cheesy songs about love, which certainly appealed to my teenage romantic ideals). I would watch from the back of the auditorium, completely smitten. It was adorable how he never wore shoes to rehearsal and the way he would flip his hair out of his eyes (and oh, those eyes)! I even found his goatee endearing. I saw the way he interacted with his friends-- his goodness, his sweetness, and the way everyone wanted to be near him. There was no going back: I was head over heels for a boy that I knew mostly from afar.

I spilled my guts about my crush while riding in the back seat of a friend's giant wood paneled station wagon on our way to Denny's. A few of my friends were in the car, including one who was also friends with Pat. She loved the idea of us together, and squealed with delight. I tentatively mentioned that I had this crazy idea about asking him to my junior prom. The squeals echoed throughout the suburbs.

"Yes! Yes, you have to ask him!"

I thought it was a ridiculous idea--he knew who I was, we had some friends in common, but asking him to the prom would be so out of the blue and laughable.

"Ok, ok, I'll feel him out and see if anyone has asked him. I'll let you know."

Three days later, she had not only "felt him out," but had point blank asked if he'd consider going to the prom with me. I can still feel the burning mortification I felt when I found out about that. It wasn't the worst thing in the world though, because he said he would- and, according to my friend, he even thought it was cool that I was thinking about asking him. (He thought it was cool! Now that was squeal-worthy.)

I ran into Pat in the choir room that day, and I decided to go for it- just ask him right then and there. It was a moment of risk, and a moment totally out of character. It's also a moment I thank my high school self for- with out that moment of bravery, things certainly would have been different. He said yes, and I just about danced down the hall back to class. I was giddy! With glee! I was going to the prom with the boy I liked and life was grand.

My journal entry from that day (March 27, 1998) has a drawing of me sitting on Cloud 9. Key phrases from the rest of the entry: YIPEEEEE! I'M SO EXCITED! Today was such an awesome, perfect day! (See? The journal stuff is Embarrassing, capital E.) I'm sure I have a mortifying photo to go with this post... I'll see what I can dig up.

The name or our website could be construed in a few ways, now that I think about it. There could be some confusion if you didn't know how much time there was between that Prom and that Altar. Hopefully this history will clear that up: It's been awhile!

Ok, Patrick: Your turn.

Last week, we faced the deep sadness of losing a close family member. I'll let Patrick say more if he wants, but I will say that it's been a difficult time, and a very tough loss. After a week of being with family back home, we're trying to get back in the swing of things and not fall too behind on wedding tasks, but it certainly puts things in perspective.

If we don't have menu cards or coordinated programs or cutesy place cards, it won't matter. As long as we are surrounded by our friends and family, the day will be incredible. The day would be amazing even if we were celebrating in a cheesy banquet room with low ceilings and bad lighting, if I were wearing a dress from Old Navy, if there were no flowers, if our photographs were taken by our friends, and if the cake was from the grocery store: as long as our loved ones are there, and we're marrying each other, it will be everything we want.

Of course, we will be working on the details over the next (gasp!) 79 days, and I'll stress about things like finding the right shoes and what to put in our ceremony program, but all in all I'm not putting too much weight on the little stuff. When I read too many wedding blogs and start to stress about the place settings or whether we're incorporating our color palette in enough places, I just think about the people who will be there-- the faraway friends who will be reunited, cousins I haven't seen in years, and our large families laughing together. I think about the two of us surrounded by all that love and happiness, and nothing else seems to matter much.