June 2008 Archives

Right now, the big things in life are overshadowing the small details of the wedding-- as well they should. A serious illness in the family is front and center today, and brings into focus the people and the love that are at the core of our lives.

Hold each other tight and tell the ones you love that you love them- everyday, all the time.

Truth: I don't dress Patrick. Sometimes we shop for clothes together, he asks my opinion and I ask his, but I don't dress him up like a Ken doll. I don't pick out his clothes or coordinate his outfits. He's a grown man, he has good taste, and he does just fine dressing himself.

I will not be dressing him on our wedding day, either. It makes me gag every time I see a wedding blog post or a wedding magazine article about "Dressing Your Groom". Seriously? Your groom is not an accessory, not another "detail" of the day to coordinate. It is his day, too, and he deserves the respect of picking out his own outfit!

Patrick did a lot of research into proper men's formalwear for our mid-afternoon semi-formal wedding. I was clueless about types of tuxedos, suits, ties, and jackets. Anyone who knows Patrick knows that he likes to do things right, he respects tradition, and when he researches something he leaves no stone unturned.

The style of dress he chose for himself and his groomsmen is classy, classic, and handsome. I didn't go with him and his brother when they went to the menswear store to try things on--I trusted that they could handle it. We both agreed that there would be no hot pink vests or cummerbunds, but beyond that he figured it out.

We both like to get dressed up, and we're both excited about getting more dressed up than we've ever been on the day we make a very important commitment to each other.

It's trendy right now for grooms to wear sneakers, or untucked shirts without ties, or a shirt and tie but no jacket. These looks are fine and work for certain types of weddings, but I think the groom deserves to dress up to mark the occasion. To me, it's a sign of respect for the day, his wife-to-be, and the guests.

Mostly though, I disagree with making the groom just another accessory. Pat's not just an accessory to my life; he's the most important thing in it. And he's not just an add-on to the wedding day like the cake or the flowers; he's the center of it (or one half of the center of it!). At the very least, I can respect his ability to pick out clothes, and his right to join me in getting all dressed up in our wedding day finery.

Of course, if it was up to me, I'd choose something like this for Patrick:

Our love story has already spanned ten years, and we've only just begun. Some of you have been with us all the way, others have come into the story more recently. Since our past has shaped our relationship, we thought we'd use this space to tell you our story. I'm going to be telling the first bit (that makes the most sense, you'll see), and then Patrick will take over, and we'll go back and forth like that. Hopefully we'll manage to keep it somewhat entertaining!

(Now that I've told you, I've got to buckle down and start... stay tuned.)
 

Sometimes I see photos like this and wish we were having a tented wedding:

Today is offering me a good glimpse at all the reasons we decided against this kind of wedding. Tomorrow night there is a big celebration at the school where I work to commemorate the conclusion of our capital campaign. We are expecting 750 people for dinner and dancing under a giant tent that is set up in the middle of the quad.

This is what the forecast for tomorrow looks like:

We finally/officially finished registering last weekend (I'll follow proper etiquette and not mention where, but the information is out there).

We've spent years tolerating teflon that flakes off into our food (seasoning!), using handed down plates, pots, and pans circa 1982, and drinking out of college-grade glasses. We've dreamed about matching plates, good flatware, and knives that actually cut. "Someday, we'll register for a [fill in the blank]" was our mantra from the day we moved in together.

So after all that, we never expected registering to be so overwhelming! We wanted to be practical, to register for quality but not extravagance (ok, we broke that rule here and there-- but the Griddler is just so cool! And it sounds like a Batman villain). We wanted to select things that would help us create a grownup household, and that would last for years to come. The thing is, neither of us is all that comfortable asking for things, especially things that really aren't necessities. And isn't the point of a registry to tell people what you want, even if you don't NEED it?

With some practice (and encouragement from our moms) we got better at it (obviously-- we have two very full registry lists). And who doesn't love a scanner gun? It's hard to be gun shy with that thing.

Of course, we live in a small apartment with minimal closet space right now, so most of this stuff will stay in storage until we buy a home in a couple years. Unless, of course, we move to a bigger apartment just so we can have dinner parties at a table set with coordinated place settings... but that would be silly, right?

(Another from the weekend.)
As I said in my last entry, I know that the audience for this blog (or, really, the few sporadic readers) is varied. So I'm finally going to respond to the tag by A Practical Wedding as an introduction, for those who need it. One change though: since this blog was originally supposed to be authored by both Patrick and me, and in hopes that he will soon be moved to share some of his perspective with you, I'm going to share four things you
(probably) didn't know about us (instead of just me):

    1. A few years ago (pre-cell phones), we went cross country skiing in a wildlife area in our hometown. We got all kinds of turned around on the twisty turny trails, and ended up getting quite lost just as dusk was falling. Even though we collectively have many years of scouting behind us, we decided to hike out rather than attempt to camp out in the snow (although the idea of trying to build a fire in the snow and ration the granola bars we had in our bag was kind of exciting. I read a lot of Boxcar Children books as a kid...).  We managed to hike to a nearby neighborhood (where we looked ridiculous carrying our skis and walking around in cross country ski boots). Knowing our parents would have a heart attack if they knew what was going on, we knocked on a stranger's door and asked to use their phone. Our plan was to call a cab for a ride back to the car (which was really not that far away). The strangers were nice (luckily we chose a home where a friendly family lived, and not an ax murderer)-- they loaded us in their minivan and drove us back to our car themselves.  It was years before we told anyone this story (it was a little embarrassing, and there was really no need to worry our parents about these situations we manage to find ourselves in).

    2. We employed many coping strategies during all the years I was away at school. Many of the strategies involved books. From time to time we would read the same book together and discuss (although I was always way behind Patrick, trying to fit the novel in between readings for class). When I was abroad in London, missing Patrick like crazy, and feeling a little disoriented following 9/11, he sent me a package of David Sedaris books to make me laugh (it worked, except that it made me miss him even more).

    3. On our first Valentine's day together, Patrick was away at school and I was a senior in high school. He sent me a dozen roses, which arrived with a card from someone else. "To Barbara, I love you" (or something like that, obviously not for me). I called the flower company and a sweet lady read me the card intended to arrive with the flowers ("We do our best to contain this thing inside us. I love you and wish I could be there. Love, Pat." -- we were into Dave Matthews at the time). I knew he'd feel bad, and didn't tell him about the mix up until a couple years ago. The roses were beautiful.

    4. When we go for bike rides, we race on straightaways when there's no one else on the trail. He always wins.



I would tag others, but it's highly unlikely that they'd ever see it... so you know, if you just read this and feel like keeping up the thread, consider yourself tagged!