up to the date

warning: mega-long post ahead. note to self: update more than once a month.

we (i) are (am) not good at keeping this blog up to date. likely because at this point no one reads it (ok, maybe 1 or 2). once wedding invitations and other paraphernalia is out traffic will increase and hopefully so will our motivation to write. but anyway, we should be writing now. to document. because you only do this once, ya know? so, let's do this vignette style. or maybe just by various recent bits of progress. i feel a long post (due to the long absence) coming on.

the ceremony
we always knew we'd be married in the catholic church- we were both raised catholic, and our shared faith has been important to our relationship.we've spent a good amount of time making sure our ceremony will reflect not only the love we share, but the things in which we believe.

before securing anything else- reception hall, church, or any other details-- we contacted the priest we wanted to say the mass. father pat was the pastor at my family's church for 14 years before being transferred to another church in the area in december of 2006. his sermons always focus on love (unconditional), acceptance, forgiveness, and giving back. he helped me to see that these are the core values of the church (rather than those of judgment with fire and brimstone, as some would argue) , and shaped how i saw my own life in relation to the catholic church. we've known for years that we wanted father pat to say our wedding mass, and we were elated when he agreed. he'll be marrying us at the church i grew up in, where i received all my sacraments, and where my parents were married.

we met with fr. pat a couple weeks ago, and the meeting affirmed for us that he was the right one to perform the ceremony-- even if he is a hard man to get in touch with! the meetings that are focused on the ceremony and the marriage are refreshing after meetings about cake flavors and table arrangements.

ceremony music
one thing about the catholics, they like tradition. ironically, even more so now than they did when my parents got married. my parents' wedding ceremony thirty years ago included beatles songs and originals written by their hippie friends. these days, no secular music is allowed during the ceremony. the exception to this is the instrumental music for the processional and recessional, but those aren't supposed to be associated with secular words (operas, movies, pop songs).

after meeting with the church music director we spent some time hunting for music that reflected our style. we don't really want any of the stuff you hear at every wedding (pachelbel's canon in d, for one- gorgeous, but so overdone.) and i want a glorious recessional, just short of the alleluia chorus (really, i want that moment from 'love actually', but i guess i'll give up that dream). we've found some good options-- a contender for the processional that is beyond beautiful and a recessional that is a joyful fanfare (bow down ye subjects!). we'll run them by the music director soon, but i think we have most of the music stuff taken care of. check and check.

we also have a cantor lined up-- a woman whom pat sang with at his church. she's even going to sing ave maria in italian, which will make the andrianos happy!

we've narrowed down our top picks for readings (and not one mention of woman being made for man, woman obeying man, being an obedient wife, or love being only between man and woman!). almost all of the big ceremony stuff is done and done. the tradition and structure of the catholic mass really makes planning the ceremony a bit easier.

budget freak. out. (it's ok.)
it won't surprise anyone who knows us to find out that we've been using a lot of technological helpers to plan this wedding. there's the wedding wiki for general planning and idea gathering, the (work in progress) wedding website, and the google documents/spreadsheets for the guestlist, honeymoon plans, music ideas, and budget.

over the weekend we did some looking at the budget spreadsheet. and that very carefully figured budget? it happened to be over. over budget. even without all the numbers in we were over. i freaked. how did this happen? we've been so careful! i knew it was a tight budget but we've been watching the numbers all along. every decision has been made with the budget in mind. and we just cannot. go. over. cannot. how is the cost of the reception that number?? silent panic for days. how will we tell our parents? what can we cut out? can we not serve hors d'oeuvres? cake? dinner? do we really need a dj? 

when i asked pat about it tonight, he casually replied that something was wrong in the spreadsheet- there must be a formula that's off somewhere. he was so not panicked about anything! turns out, of course, he was right. we'd accidentally added in the service charge on the reception multiple times and hadn't adjusted for kids' meals and the like. our budget crisis was over. if only i'd mentioned my panic a few days earlier.

he took my face in his hands (why does this always make me tear up?) and assured me that it was going to be ok, that we wouldn't go over budget, that we were being careful and sensible. that we can afford to feed all of our guests and have music. PHEW. i will, however, remember that terrible feeling of going over budget every time i have a thought about the more expensive option or add-on.
 
which reminds me: we both had the guest list conversation with our parents a few weekends ago. it went something like this:
 


totally unfun. our families are huge. we like our friends. it wasn't easy- but it's over.