March 2008 Archives

things the wedding industry has taught me:

-our number one priority should be an amazing and unique reception venue, that no one has been to before, that leaves our guests breathless. if this kind of venue isn't in our budget, we should cut guests from our list.

-our number one priority should be an incredible photographer, who shoots magazine-worthy photos, and will photograph our wedding in a fully artsy and MoMA-worthy style. if our budget doesn't support such a photographer, cut guests from the list so that it does.

-our number one priority should be making the fews guests left as comfortable as possible. provide every item they could possibly need in the bathrooms, slippers for their sore feet, pashminas for their chilly shoulders, food more amazing than any food they've ever had,and parasols for the sun.

-our number one priority should be personalization. spend every moment of the next six months creating  elaborate programs, seating cards, favors, swizzle sticks, a glittery monogram cake topper, straws, napkins, handmade candles, tissue holders and petal cones.

-everything must match. perfectly. bridesmaids' dresses and hair, groomsmen's vests and ties, program bows, favor ribbons, escort cards, and invitation text should all be in david's bridal pool blue.

-you must look the most beautiful you have ever looked on your wedding day, even if it means rapid weight loss (the facebook ad that popped up today), tanning, waxing, botox (i received a postcard in the mail telling me this), laser teeth whitening, or hair extensions. spend the next six months working towards perfect hair, body, face, and teeth, no matter what the cost.

guess how many of these items we've followed? yep, just about none. our priority is having our loved ones there, and with our big families that means a big guest list.  we've cut back in the areas they told us not to, we are only taking on the projects we know won't drive us insane, and we know our guests will forgive us if they don't receive toothpicks stating our names and the date. 

the most exciting and amazing part of this wedding is the fact that for one day we will be surrounded by as many of our friends and family members as possible. it's not very often (in fact, this may be the only time) that we get to be in the same room with all those we love, all having fun and celebrating good things like love and family and friendship. it seems like that should be our number one priority, yes?

if it seems like i spend a lot of time poking fun at the wedding industry, it's because there's just too much that's truly unbelievable, and truly misses the big idea.

case in point. (it's not even grammatically correct! argh!)

our relationship, numerically-

17: the age we both were when we first started dating. (dorky photo here.) i'd only been 17 for a month or so, he'd turn 18 a few months later. i was a junior, he was a senior.

27: the age we both are now.

3: the number of proms/senior balls we went to together. my prom, his senior ball, my senior ball.

3: the number of hours that separated us for most of my senior year.

3: the number of hours that separated us for my 4 years of college.

195: the approximate number of miles between albany (where pat lived) and geneva (where i went to school). most of those miles were on the straight, flat, boring new york state thruway.

4: number of months we were separated by an ocean while i studied abroad in london.

3,372: number of miles pat flew to visit me in london. during his visit we toured the city, took the eurostar to paris, and realized that if we could make it through those 4 months we could make it through anything.

6: number of schools we've collectively attended since april 1998 (guilderland high school, elmira college, hobart & william smith, hudson valley, suny albany, umass amherst).

10: on april 8, 2008, the number of years since we first made our dating status official.

178: days until our wedding.

222: days since we got engaged.
 
2: apartments we've  co-habitated.

2: cities we've lived in together.

the first day of spring and six months until the big day.

yeehaw!

(taken last april- it won't be long now!)

did you know there was such a thing? i certainly did not, but i have been educated. 
apparently, you cannot use your 'married' monogram before the wedding, or anything featuring your names/initials as they will appear after the 'i do' part. this is bad luck. and offensive. and rude. i don't know, that's what poor etiquette implies to me. but in reality, i'm guessing that no one else knows a thing about monogram/name etiquette other than a few recently married friends and old traditional aunts who will whisper loudly upon seeing incorrect monogram usage.

since we have learned the ins and outs of when we can and cannot use certain sets of names and letters, we can now move forward, confident that we are following proper monogram etiquette. no one will be whispering about our sets of letters, nosir!                 

warning: mega-long post ahead. note to self: update more than once a month.

we (i) are (am) not good at keeping this blog up to date. likely because at this point no one reads it (ok, maybe 1 or 2). once wedding invitations and other paraphernalia is out traffic will increase and hopefully so will our motivation to write. but anyway, we should be writing now. to document. because you only do this once, ya know? so, let's do this vignette style. or maybe just by various recent bits of progress. i feel a long post (due to the long absence) coming on.

the ceremony
we always knew we'd be married in the catholic church- we were both raised catholic, and our shared faith has been important to our relationship.we've spent a good amount of time making sure our ceremony will reflect not only the love we share, but the things in which we believe.

before securing anything else- reception hall, church, or any other details-- we contacted the priest we wanted to say the mass. father pat was the pastor at my family's church for 14 years before being transferred to another church in the area in december of 2006. his sermons always focus on love (unconditional), acceptance, forgiveness, and giving back. he helped me to see that these are the core values of the church (rather than those of judgment with fire and brimstone, as some would argue) , and shaped how i saw my own life in relation to the catholic church. we've known for years that we wanted father pat to say our wedding mass, and we were elated when he agreed. he'll be marrying us at the church i grew up in, where i received all my sacraments, and where my parents were married.

we met with fr. pat a couple weeks ago, and the meeting affirmed for us that he was the right one to perform the ceremony-- even if he is a hard man to get in touch with! the meetings that are focused on the ceremony and the marriage are refreshing after meetings about cake flavors and table arrangements.

ceremony music
one thing about the catholics, they like tradition. ironically, even more so now than they did when my parents got married. my parents' wedding ceremony thirty years ago included beatles songs and originals written by their hippie friends. these days, no secular music is allowed during the ceremony. the exception to this is the instrumental music for the processional and recessional, but those aren't supposed to be associated with secular words (operas, movies, pop songs).

after meeting with the church music director we spent some time hunting for music that reflected our style. we don't really want any of the stuff you hear at every wedding (pachelbel's canon in d, for one- gorgeous, but so overdone.) and i want a glorious recessional, just short of the alleluia chorus (really, i want that moment from 'love actually', but i guess i'll give up that dream). we've found some good options-- a contender for the processional that is beyond beautiful and a recessional that is a joyful fanfare (bow down ye subjects!). we'll run them by the music director soon, but i think we have most of the music stuff taken care of. check and check.

we also have a cantor lined up-- a woman whom pat sang with at his church. she's even going to sing ave maria in italian, which will make the andrianos happy!

we've narrowed down our top picks for readings (and not one mention of woman being made for man, woman obeying man, being an obedient wife, or love being only between man and woman!). almost all of the big ceremony stuff is done and done. the tradition and structure of the catholic mass really makes planning the ceremony a bit easier.

budget freak. out. (it's ok.)
it won't surprise anyone who knows us to find out that we've been using a lot of technological helpers to plan this wedding. there's the wedding wiki for general planning and idea gathering, the (work in progress) wedding website, and the google documents/spreadsheets for the guestlist, honeymoon plans, music ideas, and budget.

over the weekend we did some looking at the budget spreadsheet. and that very carefully figured budget? it happened to be over. over budget. even without all the numbers in we were over. i freaked. how did this happen? we've been so careful! i knew it was a tight budget but we've been watching the numbers all along. every decision has been made with the budget in mind. and we just cannot. go. over. cannot. how is the cost of the reception that number?? silent panic for days. how will we tell our parents? what can we cut out? can we not serve hors d'oeuvres? cake? dinner? do we really need a dj? 

when i asked pat about it tonight, he casually replied that something was wrong in the spreadsheet- there must be a formula that's off somewhere. he was so not panicked about anything! turns out, of course, he was right. we'd accidentally added in the service charge on the reception multiple times and hadn't adjusted for kids' meals and the like. our budget crisis was over. if only i'd mentioned my panic a few days earlier.

he took my face in his hands (why does this always make me tear up?) and assured me that it was going to be ok, that we wouldn't go over budget, that we were being careful and sensible. that we can afford to feed all of our guests and have music. PHEW. i will, however, remember that terrible feeling of going over budget every time i have a thought about the more expensive option or add-on.
 
which reminds me: we both had the guest list conversation with our parents a few weekends ago. it went something like this:
 


totally unfun. our families are huge. we like our friends. it wasn't easy- but it's over.